that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
