see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
