it hurts more in the daytime
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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