so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
