did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
