i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
