i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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