Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
