Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
