hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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