The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize