dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
