When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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