ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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