is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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