Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
