i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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