He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
