There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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