dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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