I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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