would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize