this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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