Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
