That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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