well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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