she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
