White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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