yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
