I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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