She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
