I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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