My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
