a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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