I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
