These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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