I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is wine microwaveable?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
