youre lurking in front of me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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