I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
