they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sorry my hands just texted you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
