after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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