i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
