Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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