His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My dick has a subreddit
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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