I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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