Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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