hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
