It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
