I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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