Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
