she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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