Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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