No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize