My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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