I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
