i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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