I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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