this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
