Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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