Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
