Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
