I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
