waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we're making bets on your personal life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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