please come you make the beer taste better
Four minutes until I can fart!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
