i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I pour the whiskey from now on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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